He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
