So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
