You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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