I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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