I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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