She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
