My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
