It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
