Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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