Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
