Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
