One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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