I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
