i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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