Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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