kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
