Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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