sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
