She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
