Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
