I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
