Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
