i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
