Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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