You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
