That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
