i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
