your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
