turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
