God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Sorry about my life...
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
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