Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
