K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
