I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
