the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
When did angry sex become our thing?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
