On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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