Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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