This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
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