Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
