Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
