sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
