True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
