Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
