A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
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