DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Every concussion has its silver lining
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
