I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
