Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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