We won't sleep together?
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
