You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
