Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
He told me they were just razor bumps!
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
