I got chris browned last night
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
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